"The Nothin' Sandwich," by Kevin S.

The Nothin’ Sandwich

An Over-Exaggerated Flash Fiction story by Kevin S.

Sunday, 10:00 AM

Dear Diary,
Today I ate a sandwich. It was delicious. Mmm... It was called Nothin’ Sandwich, because there was nothin’ in it. Just 2 slices of toasted classic white bread stacked on top of each other. I suppose you could just call it 2 slices of White Bread, but I think Nothin’ Sandwich sounds cooler. Though, my only complaint is that sometimes the slices slide around. Other than that, it tastes amazing. Like the best food you ever had in forever multiplied by 100. Well, I wouldn’t know. Because that is the only food I have ever eaten! But today is a new dawn of existence! Because I will try a NEW type of sandwich! It is called... Turkey and Ham Sandwich! Sounds AMAZING, but I bet it is not as good as Nothin’ Sandwich, especially because the Nothin’ Sandwich has nothin’ in it to ruin the flavor.

Sunday, 12:20 PM

Dear Diary,
A drone labeled Amazonia Freshest just flew over and dropped a small box. I think it is my new Sandwich! I write this to you right after I came back inside. The Turkey and Ham sandwich’s aroma has already filled the room with such a smell! The Nothin’ Sandwich didn’t do that! I still think that the Nothin’ Sandwich will be better. Time to open the box!

Sunday, 12:30 PM

Dear Diary,
I just opened the box and it smells very putrid. Bleh. I am wondering if I really do want to try this new sandwich. In a couple of minutes, I am going to eat another yummy Nothin’ Sandwich while the bad smell goes away. Anyway, the Turkey and Ham Sandwich is very tall, and it has “stuff” between the pieces of bread. Why? It would ruin the flavor. I am wondering if I still want to try this new sandwich as it stinks up my house.

Sunday, 1:00 PM

Dear Diary,
I got the courage to try the sandwich. I slowly cut a bit of the sandwich with my laser cutter and got a fork. I inserted the fork very carefully into the slice and popped it into my mouth. In that instant, I regretted it so violently I spit it 400 feet away, smashing through my bedroom window. It shattered with such a force that the entire window vaporized into microscopic bits of glass. Phew! I was sure glad when it left my mouth! Because the window was so conveniently “opened,” I took the chance to dump the sandwich out the window, bouncing off the tiles and into the compost where I was sure it would rot forever. I did NOT want to try a new sandwich EVER again. Yuck!

Monday, 8:15 AM

Dear Diary,
I got a good night’s sleep yesterday. I thought about it and decided that I didn’t even get a good taste of the Turkey and Ham Sandwich. I hope that I just overreacted, because I really want two options of sandwich, Nothin’ Sandwich and something else. My goal today is to take a bite of the Turkey and Ham Sandwich and keep it in long enough for me to taste every bit before deciding if it tastes bad. Well, good luck to me, I guess.

Monday, 12:40 PM

Dear Diary,
I don’t know if I want to try it anymore. Yesterday’s experience was not the most fun. I have to be brave. I need to believe in myself. Why am I so hesitant? It is just a sandwich! Sigh. I guess because it made me destroy a $1,000,000 window because it tasted so... So... Bad? Odd? Different? Well I have to eat it! Or maybe I should not risk it and stay with Nothin’ Sandwiches. Diary, what should I do? Oh wait. You can’t answer that. I need to decide that by myself. Well, I can tell you: it is a hard decision. I don’t want to try it, but my gut tells me to. I have to think about this more. For lunch today, I am going to eat a Nothin’ Sandwich with a side of water.

Monday, 5:23 PM

Dear Diary,
After a few hours of wrestling with myself about trying it, I have decided to do it. But then I also thought to myself, why does it stink? Are sandwiches supposed to stink? And are they also in some places fuzzy and blue-green? Wait. Now that I say that, it sounds like something I learned about a couple years ago. I think it was something called... mald? No, I think it’s mold. It made food bad. Oh! Thanks Diary! You didn’t say anything, but you got me to understand why the Turkey and Ham sandwich tasted so bad! I am going to order another one right now, and it should arrive in ten minutes!

Ten minutes later...

Here it is! Dropped from the Amazonia Freshest drone and floated down on a parachute. I brought it inside and opened it up. Instead of the horrible smell that was released from the sandwich prior to this one, this one smelled much better. Very... Appetizing. I knew that it was going to be a very different experience than the last one because of the smell and the absence of mold. And I am so confident in this. Well, here goes the first bite!

2 seconds later

Dear Diary,
Yum! Oh my! This taste is GREAT! I don’t believe that I would say this, but much better than the Nothin’ Sandwich! I might never even eat another Nothin’ Sandwich! The way the different textures and flavors swirl and mix in my mouth is amazingly tasty, and all the different things make it such a pleasure to eat! You know what? I might try some other foods too! I have been missing out on so much, and I didn’t even know it!